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Successful Relationships: There are absolutely no totally compatible relationships; meaning, you will never find the person who instantaneously is so compatible with you that you will sail away into the sunset and live happily forever after. To think this is possible is a lovely illusion. Relationships are built. The areas in which we are most compatible with our partners create the fuel, the energy, to carry us forward through the areas in which we are least compatible and most inclined to be hurt. The least compatible areas are energy draining and painful but they also generate the substance upon which relationships can grow, individually and together. Everyone gets hurt by the people they love. Children hurt parents, parents hurt children, brothers hurt sisters, and so on. Why should two strangers attempting to create a relationship be an exception to this rule? Too often in our current times, we are too quick to say "ouch" and move on, robbing ourselves of the opportunity to grow as a person and build a strong relationship. Many people who have been through a failed relationship admit that having mellowed and matured, they are able to look back at how they could have done things differently to make the relationship work. But, at the time, they were so caught up in their differences and personal injuries, they did not take the time to learn about the dynamics of the relationship that they created. Sometimes, relationships actually get started on the wrong foot, even though they seem perfect. People attempt to influence each other, have their "best foot forward" and often present pretenses (untrue images) of who they are in efforts to "catch", "conquer" or "capture" the object of their desire. Later, once their desire is caught, conquered or captured, there is no need for the pretense any longer and guess what? What you thought you had does not exist. While I was developing this site, I thought it would be a good idea to offer a suggested reading list about relationships but almost everywhere I went I found literature that dealt with the pretenses of relationships. Some of them were out-right instructions in how to be everything other than yourself in order to achieve your heart's desire. Unfortunately, this seems to be a universal truth about the mating game of humans. My thoughts on that matter are this: One thing about games; they are created with a winner and a loser in mind. In the end, I found one, powerful resource consistent with what I was trying to develop with this site: a book by Charlotte Sophia Kasl, Ph.D., titled: If the Buddha Dated. Here is a coupon. As far as I am concerned, it should be required reading for everyone, regardless of whether you are single and dating. To be who you are sets you free. Free to be loved for exactly who you are, which is what every human being strives for on this earth. Your partner has no illusion of who you are that undermines your own ability to feel loved. It is impossible to feel loved if your partner loves the "image" of you and not the "essence" of you. There is no disappointment and rejection at a later date because you aren't what your partner thought you were or vise versa. When relationships fail, it can teach us who we are by virtue of who we are not. We might discover that what we thought we could live with is simply impossible to do and find any level of contentment. You or your partner pushed all the wrong buttons for each other and the result was ugly, certainly not the best that you can be. Relationships that bring out the best in each other are the most compatible because they help us feel good about ourselves. Such dynamics are usually found in likenesses and liking (not the same as loving) your partner. (See the article on Energizing Relationships). |
